Dating/Domestic Violence

Anyone can be a victim of dating/domestic violence. Dating/domestic violence can include verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, and/or sexual abuse, and can happen in any relationship. If you think you are in an abusive relationship please know there are campus and community resources available to help. 

What to Do if You're in an Unhealthy/Abusive Relationship:

Ensure Safety

Safety should be your number one priority. If in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1. If you cannot, or do not feel comfortable turning to friends or family, resources are available to Fresno State students, staff and faculty through the Victim Advocate at 559-278-6796. 

Call the Police (if immediate assistance is needed)

You may contact the police to file a report and receive assistance with an order of protection or restraining order. If the assault took place on-campus, contact the Fresno State Police Department (559-278-8400). If the assault took place off-campus, contact Fresno Police Department (911) for assistance. If the alleged perpetrator is also a Fresno State student/staff/faculty member, a complaint may be filed with the Title IX Coordinator at Fresno State, 559-278-2364.

Seek Medical Attention (if needed)

Seek medical attention for any injuries you may have sustained. You may receive medical treatment at the Fresno State Student Health and Counseling Center (559-278-2734) or nearby hospitals, urgent care clinics or from your private physician. Please contact the Victim Advocate at 559-278-6796 for transportation services.

Please note, Under California law, any health practitioner employed in a health facility is required to make a report to law enforcement if he/she provides medical services for a physical condition to a patient/victim who he/she knows or reasonably suspects is suffering from any wound or other physical injury inflicted upon a victim where the injury is the result of assaultive or abusive conduct (including sexual violence and relationship violence). This exception does not apply to sexual assault and domestic violence counselors or advocates. In addition, you do not have to speak to law enforcement if you do not wish to.

Seek Emotional Support and Resources

Fresno State offers a number of resources and support services for victims of relationship violence. Follow-up counseling may help you to cope with this difficult time. Free counseling is offered to Fresno State students through Counseling Services (559-278-2734). Marjaree Mason Center of Fresno County is a community organization that offers counseling, support, and a 24-hour hotline for victims of relationship violence (559-233-HELP).

Plan for your Safety

It is important to plan for your safety whether or not you are ready to leave the relationship. The Victim Advocate can assist you with developing a personalized safety plan, including possible residence relocation and academic changes, escorts to class/work, restraining orders and orders of protection, and much more. You can create your own safety plan here.

 

Healing from an abusive relationship may take time, but it is possible. No one deserves to be abused. Help is available. Call 559-278-6796 to speak with the Victim Advocate who is located in the Student Health and Counseling Center for assistance and support if you have questions or concerns regarding relationship violence.

Here are additional things you can do to help yourself and/or your friend 

  •  This is not your fault! No one deserves to be treated in an abusive way!
  • Seek outside help in a support group or in counseling. Talk to Fresno State’s counseling and psychological services (559-278-2734) or call Marjaree Mason’s 24 Hotline at (559-233- HELP).
  • Share what's happening with a trusted friend. It is important to have a good support system to get through this.
  • Abusers will often isolate their victims; reach out to friends and family you may have not connected with in a while.
  • If you live together, try to save small amounts of money. Keep it in a safe place like a safety deposit box or with a friend.
  • Leave some extra money at a friend's home.
  • If possible get a part time or full time job; check out student employment opportunities.
  • Identify family members or friends who could lend temporary financial support.
  • Investigate student housing options; emergency loans and housing are sometimes available.
  • Call campus police or 911 if you’re in immediate danger
  • Be aware of weapons your partner may have
  • Avoid going on long trips alone with your partner
  • Tell your RA/roommates about the situation
  • Arrange for double dates so you are not alone with your partner
  • If the abuser also lives in your residence hall, try to get transferred into another building, switch rooms etc. Please contact the Victim Advocate for housing assistance (559-278-6796).  
  • Try to let friends, roommates and RAs know where you are going and when you should be back; check-in with them while you're out
  • If your abuser has a copy of your key, request that they return it to you, or change your locks
  • If you live with your abuser: Include keys, emergency phone numbers, money for calls or a prepaid calling card, a change of clothes for you and your kids (if you have children), and medications
  • Don't forget important documents such as birth certificates, resident cards/student IDs, social security cards, student loan info and schedules
  • Arrange for a safe place to leave your school books, such as a trusted friends' place, the locked trunk of your car, etc.
  • Call the Victim Advocate for housing assistance (559-278-6796) or the Marjaree Mason Center (559-233-HELP) to contact a domestic violence advocate so you can discuss your options. 

Stalking in an Abusive Relationship

 If you are being stalked, it is important to document the stalking behavior through a "stalking log" and save all evidence (i.e. telephone messages, emails, letters, etc.). You can access a copy of the stalking log here

 

Warning Signs of Potential Relationship Violence

While it is not always possible to predict whether a potential partner might become abusive, the following indicators are often seen in people who abuse their partners. If the person exhibits several of these behaviors there may be a strong potential for relationship violence: 

Extreme Jealousy/Possessiveness 

Is your partner distrusting and possessive? Do they question and "check up" on you excessively? Are they jealous of your other relationships-anyone you may know?

Controlling Behavior 

Does your partner try to control where you go, what you do, whom you see, what you wear, how you act, your finances? 

Violent Tendencies 

Does your partner tend to use force or violence to “solve” their problems? Do they treat you roughly? When your partner gets angry, do you fear them? Do you find that not making them angry has become a major part of your life? Did your partner grow up in a violent family? People who grow up in violent families may believe that violence is normal behavior.

Serious Too Quickly 

Did your partner push to become serious rather rapidly, demanding a quick commitment? 

Unrealistic Expectations 

Does your partner depend on you to meet all needs? Are you expected to be the perfect spouse, parent, lover, friend

Isolation

Does your partner try to cut you off from resources, limit your contact with family and friends, prevent you from going to work or school? 

Blames Others/Circumstances for Problems 

Does your partner blame you, stress, a “bad day”, alcohol, drugs or other external factors for personal problems, instead of taking responsibility

Cruelty to Animals or Children 

Does your partner act brutally to animals, tease children excessively, expect them to do things that are beyond their capability? There is a strong link between abuse of animals and perpetrators of domestic violence.

Abuse of Sexual Intimacy/Birth Control 

Does your partner manipulate or coerce you into having sex or performing specific sexual acts when you don't want to?  Do they sabotage birth control methods or refuse to honor agreed upon methods.

Verbal Abuse/Humiliation 

Does your partner say things that are cruel and hurtful, put you down, minimize your accomplishments, embarrass you in front of others? 

 No More Campaign: http://nomore.org/

While the following video depicts male perpetration and female victimization (as females are more likely to be victims of dating/domestic violence) please know that anyone can be a victim of dating/domestic violence.